Living with herpes- as told by the goddess herself
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About: This is a blog about a single city gal living with herpes. Herpes is not living with me, although it does visit once in awhile.

Although as a goddess, one would think I could come down from Mount Herpetica to giveth and taketh the herpes, but that is not the case. What I can do is clear up any misconceptions about herpes, give some insight into what it's like to say "I have herpes," tell you how NOT to react when someone says these words to you, and basically show you that I'm a normal deity who just happens to have an incurable disease that is all too often a punchline.
It will be okay…promise

So I took a break for awhile and am getting caught up. 

Here’s my life- I am still dating, and haven’t found true love (yet) but that mostly has to do with the fact that I refuse to settle for a guy is not right for me because he a) has it or b) is okay with it.  If we don’t click, we don’t click.  

I was dating a guy who I thought was great, and while he “needed time to think about it,”  he still said he really, really liked me and wanted to continue dating me.  Then his bipolar ex came back in his life and drove a wedge between us because he “was still in love with her.”   I was DEVASTATED- cried for days, and thought I wasn’t going to be able to get over it.  While it still hurts a little, I’ve moved on.

I’ve started talking to someone new and I’m going to have to tell him as well.  I really like him.  He may not like the herp.  You know what, it’s not the end of the world if he can’t accept it- I don’t want him anyway.  If he wants to get to know me well enough to continue regardless, that’s fine.  

Everyone has their demons.  Everyone.  Ours is just a little more tangible.

Anonymous asked: Hi im new to tumblr and also to herpes. I really would like someone to talk to who is going through the same thing and came upon your blog. Do you still post?

I’m back to posting…I took a break.

Anonymous asked: I've been living with this virus for about 5 years now. I as very young when I was diagnosed, but it is finally occurring to me that this is something serious. However, my conscience is catching up to me and I'm starting to realize that while I don't want to think of myself as being any different than others, that I actually am. However, it's causing me to lose faith and hope that I will ever find someone. It makes me feel like people will think of me as dirty and nasty. Please help me to deal.

You don’t want to associate with people who think you are dirty and nasty, regardless.  Out of all the potential partners I’ve told, only one had a negative reaction and it was REALLY the wrong time to tell him.  

Physically, it’s not a big deal.  The worst part is telling people, but you should.  Most won’t care.

Anonymous asked: ohhh I'm so so so glad i found this blig, I'm actually so glad I'm crying!!! I just got diagnosed with herpes (yesterday), and i have not stopped crying since. There is one thing i do want to know; can you have sex anymore? I feel that if i have herpes, surely no one is going to want to have sex with me unless they're 27348% sure they wanna be with me for the rest of their life. Thank you so much for having this blog xxxxxxx

You can still have sex!  It’s okay.  And I cried a LOT when I got it.  I felt ugly.  Now, it’s easier.  It’s not perfect, but it’s easier.

Anonymous asked: Hi I have a few questions. First off I do not have herpes. My concern is I've been talking to a guy for a few months now and it's never been sexual yet, we just wanted to get to know each other and go slow because we both just come out of a long term relationship. Well he just recently had a doctor says he may have herpes. They did blood work and he'll know positively soon. I don't really know how to take it cause his ex was the one that stepped out. But what about being worried about my future

Well, it’s okay to be worried about your future…but at least he told you.  That took courage.  If he takes meds and uses protection, the risk is very low.  He needs to listen to his body, and you need to support him.  That was a very brave thing he did and clearly he cares about you.  

Anonymous asked: I'm 18. My boyfriend went down on me for the first time.. not his first time but my first time EVER two weeks ago, and I was tested positive for herpes 1. I hate my life so much.

Oh sweetheart.  Don’t hate your life.  It does get easier…I promise.

The inequality of herpes

Yesterday a friend posted on her Facebook timeline that she was diagnosed with cancer for the 3rd time.  She’s already beat it twice- once vulvar cancer and once skin cancer.  This time is skin cancer.  199 people commented on that status telling her that she would beat it, and countless more posted independent things on her timeline, others texted her, and she was taken out last night to celebrate life.  

Admittedly, herpes isn’t immediately life threatening, although I have struggled with thoughts of suicide off and on since my diagnosis.  

What challenges me is if I posted that I received the devastating diagnosis of herpes, I would be ridiculed, shamed, and undoubtedly blamed- surely I brought this on myself.  There’s no way that my worst offense was trusting the wrong person.  I would be seen as a bad person.

Sadly, until everyone on earth gets it, this perception isn’t going to stop.  I will still be on the merry-go-round of dating, either dating people with it or having to tell people without it and risk rejection.

So all we can do is move on, find our support systems, and don’t be afraid to use them.

Questions...

By the way, I’m really crap about answering questions.  It’s not because I don’t love everyone who asks (because I do), it’s just because I get distracted by shiny things.  Or corgi videos.

Anonymous asked: Hail her majesty. I think u are so amazing I have genital herpes as well it has been a year since I've had it. As I'm reading your blog I realize that we go through the similar mood swings I'm greatful to know that there is someone out there to relate to. I pray you find your prince charming. Oh by the way how do I subscribe to your blog? I'm glad you made it, I was going through a depression and your blog changed my mood thanx xoxoxoxoxoxo

I think you heart my blog to subscribe?  I’m glad you found it- we ALL go through those damn mood swings.

XOXOXOXO

Anonymous asked: I am a 19 year old girl and have just gotten the diagnosis after sleeping with somebody who had recently been tested and told he was clean (of course, the traditional tests don't test for it.) Can you give me some advice on what to expect? I feel crushed and dirty and like nobody will ever find me attractive again. I really need some advice right now.

Ugh.  Boys are crap.  

Expect a crappy first year and then it gets better.  You’ll meet idiots with and without it, but you’ll realize that you’re much better than it.  I’m having an OB right now and it was painful the first day, but now it’s gone.  

Keep your chin up!

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